"Proud"

Last week, on Tuesday, I finished my master's degree. Holy hot damn - what a train wreck! When we calculated my due date 9 months ago, I knew this last month of school would be insane. I was right. After an all-nighter on Monday and a long day of class/work on Tuesday I thought I might die. But I made it, and Norah? She slept 5 hour stretches for the very first time, allowing me an almost full night of sleep.

The craziest part of it all is everyone that keeps coming up to me and saying how amazing I am for doing it all. I feel uncomfortable, but at the same time, I'm trying to be proud of myself. It wasn't easy. Only taking two weeks off after having a baby is less than ideal. Physically, mentally, emotionally I still needed to be in yoga pants on the couch. But that just wasn't in the cards. Part of me feels like I could have saved myself a lot of stress by getting papers and assignment completed ahead of time, and that because I didn't do that I don't deserve the kudos.

That's the joke right? We push and push and find success but we still don't feel like enough for ourselves? I am trying REALLY hard to recognize my accomplishments and pat myself on the back. I grew a baby for 9 long months. I endured constant nausea for 25 weeks, bladder infections, low blood pressure, low iron, and 7 days of contractions - I did all that while going to class/working, mothering a 2.5 year old (that weighs 36 pounds) and trying to actively participate in my marriage. We bought a house, moved, made this house a home... When I type it all out it feels like a lot. But it also sounds like I'm looking for pity... or something like it. None of this felt like it earned me a "badge of honor". It felt like living through the choices that I made.

I'm proud that I have my master's degree. It is the "step one" to having the career that I want and I am happy and excited (a little nervous too) about the future and where that aspect of my life is going. I also know that it will make me a better wife and mom because I will have this area of my life that fulfills me and fires me up individually and separately from my family.

It was a BIG year. It was exciting and crazy and absolutely flew by! I cannot believe it's over. I cannot believe that Norah is here, that graduation is on Friday, or even that summer is right around the corner. I'm taking this week to relax and rejuvenate. Next week we will settle into a new normal and start making a routine - but for now, I'm just going to watch E!, hold my baby, and work on feeling proud that we survived this crazy year.

Norah Belle

Five weeks ago our "new recruit" came into the world and I am so in love! After a full week of progress-less contractions and two "false alarm" trips to the hospital, I woke up out of a Benadryl induced sleep at 1 am and knew it was the "real deal". Ten hours later, our little lady was born and it was honestly the most amazing and relaxed labor/birth experience I could have ever imagined.

That's kind of been the theme with Miss NB. Relaxed. She is so sweet, hates to cry, and makes the cutest little squeaker noises all.the.time. We aren't really sleeping, and it's been a really crazy 5 weeks (remember that whole grad school thing? Yeah, it JUST ended) but I am so obsessed with this daughter of mine! 

Jack is pretty smitten as well. He loves "Baby Or-uh" and pokes her in the face 4589234829 times a day. This whole family of 4 thing is quite the adventure, and I would not trade it for the world! 

A New "Recruit"

It's true, our family is growing! However, while my pregnancy with Jack seemed to last forever - my March 28th due date seems to be approaching at break-neck speed.

This space of mine has gone quiet, it's been easy to find other things to do. But I keep finding myself thinking that this time in our lives needs to be written down... documented.

This little plum-sized baby currently taking up residence in my body has been far from easy on me so far. I had to wave my white flag and call in for back-up (in the form of Zofran) at about 7 weeks, and still, the nausea creeps quietly in the waiting room- ready to strike if I stay up too late or don't eat every hour.

I feels surreal that in 6 months there will be a new child in our lives. A new baby to drink in - a new person to love overwhelmingly. I'm excited, I'm scared, and even a little anxious.

I suppose all there is to say is, bring it on!

Two.

Photo credit to my brother-in-law, Justin!

It's nap time around here and I just tried to settle a very excited little boy into his bed. He asked me to lay next to him ("Mommy! Bed! Pillow!") and I snuggled in close and put my face next to his. I told him the story of when he was born - how he was the most beautiful thing Daddy and I have ever seen (to which he responded, "yeah!"). I told him about his thick black hair and deep blue eyes. I explained to him that he wore a blue hat ("silly!") and he cried until I held him in my arms and rocked him to sleep ("Baby Jack! Sleep!").

While two year old Jack seemed far from sleep, I gently crept out of his room and closed the door behind me.  I felt compelled to watch the video I made for his birthday one year ago. The song in the background still resonates so true in my heart as a mother.

all for love
we become larger than lifesize, wondersome,
great in the eyes of someone.

Jack is so great, so wondersome, in my eyes and I see the same affections reflected back at me, and at John, each day. I feel great in the eyes of my son, and there is no better feeling!

Although this little space on the internet has gone silent for over two months, I couldn't let this day pass by without celebrating this precious soul that I have been blessed to nurture. The amount with which he has grown and changed in this past year leaves me full of awe. I know that this will be a reoccurring theme as each birthday passes by, but it's still such a miracle to me!

This little child that lights up my life each morning, each day, and each night - he never stops surprising me. The amount that I love him has yet to stop growing. John and I often lay in bed at night and whisper to each other about our overwhelming love for this little boy. It is truly a gift.

Happy second birthday my sweet John Henry. Every day with you is a day I treasure! 

Leland Food & Wine Festival 2013

If you combine my favorite place, my husband, wine, and good friends - you pretty much get an ideal summer weekend.

This past weekend John and I travelled 3.5 hours North to visit the Leland Food & Wine Festival with two other couples.

It was great to combine grad school friends, our husbands/future husbands, and some damn good booze.

My childhood summers always included a vacation to Leland and visiting Fishtown always brings back sweet feelings of nostalgia, incomplete without a North Shore sandwich from the cheese shoppe.

John and I firmly believe that taking time to be away, just the two of us, is key to keeping our relationship strong. This weekend was just what we needed!

 

 

Weight Loss: My Journey So Far

It all started with 2 pictures.

When these pictures from a baby shower posted on Facebook just before I started my second semester of school, I cried. My mom, John, EVERYONE claimed it was just a bad angle. But bad angle or good angle - I never knew I was capable of looking like THIS. 

I cried for hours - I cried all night. I just didn't understand how it had gotten this bad.

For over a year I had looked in the mirror and thought, I don't look that bad. When I wore a one-piece all summer long for the first time in my life, I blamed it on being a mom. When my clothes (a whole size bigger than normal) got snug, I told myself it was no big deal. Until it was. 

See, I gained about 15 pounds throughout college. Over the course of 4 years it didn't seem so bad. I had a lot of fun while I gained that weight! Then, in this past year, I gained 15 more. In ONE year I gained as much as I did in 4! So NOT okay. 

So I made a change. Baby-steps. I wanted this to be a real change, not a flash diet where I lost weight quick and gained it back even quicker. 

My short-term goal: be in a bikini by May for our family vacation to the Virgin Islands. My long-term goal: be my best weight ever before getting pregnant again.

First came the food. I changed what we were eating. No fast food, less eating out, sticking to meal plans, less snacking... In one month I lost 5 pounds. 

So I started working out. Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis Muscular Structure work 3-5 times a week &  a 5k training program 3 times a week. 

In two more months I had lost 5 more pounds, could run a 5k, and was feeling good. Even if running was still hard & most days I dreaded going, it made me feel great to be active!

The final month, I just kicked it into high gear. I started using My Fitness Pal to track my calories. I started learning more about what was in the foods I was eating, portion control, and calorie intake vs. calories burned. 

I lost 5 more pounds. I felt great at my cousins wedding. And best of all? I wore a bikini on vacation. 

Goal = MET.

So here we are. Post vacation (3 weeks past vacation actually...) and I have met a firm plateau of 15 pounds and 14 inches lost. 

With summer here, weekends are spent at the lake, eating and drinking. Weeks are spent undoing what was done on the weekend. 

I'm ready to shed these last 15 pounds. I have started amping up my exercise and hope to be running a 10k by the end of the summer! We are diving head first into clean eating over here and I hope to find some self-control on the weekends! 

The biggest change for me in the past 5 months has been learning discipline, letting myself cheat, and making sure that this is a lifestyle change that will last. There have been bad days and bad weeks. There have been times when I have surrendered to crap food and not worked out for two weeks straight.

The most important thing to me, at this point, as that I keep coming back. Back to healthy eating, regular exercising, and good choices. I feel better than I have in years. I sleep better, have fewer headaches, and have more energy. 

I know this post was long, but I wanted to share my story in hopes of inspiring other people to make a change, motivate those who are in the process of changing, and mostly just because I am proud of myself and ready to take on the second half of my goals! 

Baby-Toddler Limbo

Jack is not quite two, looks two and a half, and loves to march himself over to the biggest kids he can find and try to hold his own. 

I like to think of this time as baby-toddler limbo. Jack is still a baby in a few ways. He still sleeps in a crib, potty-training is not even crossing our minds, and he cannot yet do so many of the "toddler activities" that you find on Pinterest boards and mommy blogs. However - he is a toddler. He walks, talks, helps when he can... 

Recently we (Jack and I) had a conversation that went like this:

Me: "Are you a baby?"

Jack: "No!"

Me: "Are you a little boy?" 

Jack: "NO!"

Me: "Are you a BIG boy?"

Jack: "YESTH!!"

Then, yesterday, while looking at pictures on my phone he pointed at every picture of himself (recent pictures) and said, "baby!". 

Even Jack is confused. 

This limbo time is hard for a few reasons. Mostly discipline and age-appropriate activities. It's hard to stay developmentally correct without challenging them or putting them into situations that are setting them up to fail. 

Jack is a short-tempered, strong-willed, sweet & snuggly, lover boy who gets M-A-D when he cannot figure something out yet bored in 2.3 seconds if something doesn't challenge him. 

My goal this summer has been to try out something at least 3 days a week. So far, so good- challenging activities are saved for the privacy of our own home, and easy/"safe" (As in, safe from tantrums) activities turn into outings. And, when all else fails, we just go to the park. There have been a few ups and downs, but mostly I am excited about all the learning and fun we have been having in the last month!

I've decided to start a series called, "What to Do With Your Baby-Toddler" where I document our activities. Most of them are obvious but I thought it might be a good resource for other moms with baby-toddlers of their own who are stumped over what to do with their afternoon. 

I get the tantrums, the hitting, and (GASP) Jack even bit me two weeks ago... but, as a good friend says to her toddler on the reg, "We are all learning". 

Posts to come:

Baking Cookies With Your Baby-Toddler

Planting a Vegetable Garden With Your Baby-Toddler

Going to the Museum With Your Baby-Toddler

Going to the Play Place With Your Baby-Toddler

Working Out With Your Baby-Toddler