Biting the Bullet.

If you follow me on twitter,have talked to me in the last couple of weeks, or even watched my most recent vlog-then you probably know I've been stressing about child care options for Jack when I start school.
After experiencing terrible child care first hand, needless to say I have been... skeptical. 
At first, I said- NO WAY, NO HOW will my child ever be in a daycare facility. So I set off to find a nanny to come into our home 2 days a week. 
I set up a care.com account, which was strange because I had one as a babysitter.As the applications started pouring in... the prospects seemed bleak.We set up 3 interviews. 
The first was fine... but not ideal.The other two - never.showed.up.
So we called the references of the first...Their review was anything but glowing.
Back to square one.
Cue freak out mode. I start school in SIX WEEKS.Was I ever going to find something I was comfortable with?!
So I revisited some other options.Yes... dun dun dun, daycare. 
I found a stay-at-home-mom looking to making a little extra money while she was sitting at home. 
I met with her. She was nice!
I didn't like that the TV was on or that her daughter was running around eating a cinnamon eggo.But she was really sweet, down-to-earth, and seemed to have a lot of the same disciplinary/parenting philosophies as me! So what- not everyone can afford the $8.00 flax seed waffles... and lets be honest- I am guilty of having the tv on when I'm at home. 
But I still wasn't convinced. 
So John, Jack, & I went to visit an in-home daycare. HORROR. 
Not at the home, not at the children, not even at the workers... but the owner!She was talking in circles and John and I both walked away with a bad feeling.A feeling like she was lying to us. Telling us what she thought we wanted to hear.No.Thank.You.
I still wasn't ready to decide. I visited ONE MORE daycare.This one, a traditional FACILITY.You know the kind that I swore off?!Yeah...
I must say I was impressed.
It is brand new, implements christian values, & teaches baby signs. The head teachers all had degrees in child development & the assistants were required to be working towards their degree.The director was warm, direct, and I could feel in my gut that she wasn't B.S.ing me. 
I have always been an intuitive person.I normally trust my gut, and when I don't - I end up being wrong. I walked away from this daycare feeling confused.
As much as this last place seemed perfect (My husband was ready to sign up right then and there)my mind kept going back to the SAHMI couldn't shake the feeling that Jack is only going to be ONE year old-Does he need all these "bells & whistles"? 
I sent out a tweet along the lines of an SOS, considering my two options.SAHM vs. DAYCARE.
Megan said it best. Jack can go to preschool when he's 3. I don't implement curriculum at home, I just love him. This SAHM, she's going to love him too!I can feel it in my gut. 
At the end of the day I just need to feel comfortable about who is taking care of my child.No one is going to be ME.The minute I stopped expecting the perfect option to appear, the minute I felt at peace with my choice.
So I'm biting the bullet, I am making a decision. PHEW! 
And guess what? If it doesn't work out... that daycare isn't going anywhere!

I received this text from John last week... Amanda = SAHM
A giant thank you to all of those who offered kind and encouraging words these last few weeks - it has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, all the thoughts and prayers were/are appreciated!!