Mom Guilt

 Photos taken by Allie!

At first it was fine. 

It was a new schedule. 

I was still voluntarily waking up & making 6am family breakfast. 

It hadn't sunk in that it was reality yet...

Then, last week, I felt it. 

Mom guilt. 

I dropped Jack off at the babysitter, and felt like I was about to cry. 

After the craziness of school and wedding week, I felt like I hadn't seen my baby in days! 

Let alone spent any time with him...

The thing is. He is fine. 

He gives me all kinds of kisses and hugs when I get home at the end of the day. 

I know it's hard, and that he is adjusting too, but he's as happy as ever!

It's hard. 

Dropping him off and not getting to spend all day with him is hard. 

But I know that it will all be worth it. 

Already, Jack's social development has been amazing to see. 

He loves other children, he loves to play! 

I really feel like his personality has exploded in the last two weeks! 

And I still have a day and a half a week to be at home. 

To play, to lounge, to do mama things.

I cherish that time with him WAY more now than I ever did before! 

We will all be better for this, I know, 

but mom guilt... it's no joke! 

Balancing Act

On Monday, I thought I was going to lose it. 
I had been experiencing on and off flu symptoms all day and Jack was a teething hot mess. 
It was John's night off and I really wanted to honor that. So I pushed through, let him do his thing, and made dinner. 
Jack screaming, pasta sauce bubbling everywhere... one.giant.mess. 
John could tell, things were getting ugly. 
It's like the more I freak out the more calm he is. Leaving us, somehow, in perfect balance. 
Right when I think I can't take it any longer, my husband swoops in like a beacon of calm.
He had Jack laughing and happy in 2 seconds flat& we somehow made it through a family dinner.
When Jack was bathed, in bed, with a bottle,and the kitchen was clean, and I was miserably sprawled on the couch-I couldn't help but feel lucky.
Even though I was fighting waves of nausea, I still felt really lucky. 
Not everyone has a partner like mine. Not everyone has someone there to help. 
John and I each have our days. Days where we are off,when things just are not going our way. Usually the other is always there to step in and bring us to a balancing point. 
Parenting is truly a team sport... heck, life is a team sport.I'm so grateful that John is on my side!

40% Hipster 60% Clueless

Don't act like you don't know it's true-

It's totally cool to be a hipster.
It was cool in high school. It was cool in college.  Who knew it would be cool in "mommy world" too?
Me? A hipster? That's  ONE. GIANT. JOKE. 
I have always been a very boring simple person when it comes to style. 
I like pink. I like lace.  I like the occasional sequin.
I'm very girly, don't get me wrong. But the whole- putting thought into what I am wearing thing? That's reserved for special occasions, NOT the grocery store. 
And music? I love ALL music.  I listen to music. But music isn't my life... That's kind of a hipster requirement right?!
But when it comes to parenthood - you know, the mommy stuff, I'm like 40% a hipster... I think.
For real though...  I CLOTH DIAPER. Hipster right? Granted... it's only during the day, when we are at home, not travelling.. or running errands.  Okay so I cloth diaper 60 50% of the time.  50% hipster.
I make (made) my own babyfood (We have moved on to solid finger foods) Jack only ate "pouch" food like 3 times. EVER. This = 800 Bajillion hipster points! Super hipster-y.
On the other hand... We don't co-sleep (Bubba is a bed hog) I only breastfed for 3 months (wish it would have been longer) I turned down a hand-me-down Moby Wrap (Regret it to this day) Sometimes I let Bubba cry it out (GASP!) And we foolishly registered for a Baby Bjorn instead of the Ergo (rookie hipster mistake)
I'd love to be that 100% hipster mommy.  But it's just not in the cards for me! 
Basically what I am trying to say is that I LOVE how diverse mommy-hood is.  There are so many different ways to go about being a parent, lots of which produce WONDERFUL results!
In the words of one of my favorite "mommy bloggers", AP, I like to think I parent "a la carte" I pick and choose from different theories that work for us and our family! 
It's still really cool to be a hipster mom though... Maybe I'll be a hipster grandma?! 

That's one happy 40% hipster baby though... 

Night "Off"

I love my husband.
And alllllll of you know I love my Bubba.
BUT (yes, there is a but) the craziness of a baby filled day can become mind-numbing, tiring, & downright draining at times. 
No, this is not a post that is me complaining about motherhood. 
I love that I have gotten to spend every day with Jack his first year of life.I am SO blessed that my husband is hardworking enough for me to be at home. 
BUT (yes, I am getting back to the "but") It would be a lie if I didn't say I was counting down the minutes seconds until John walks through the door at the end of the day.
When John gets home it's like a church choir sings and I finally get a break some help!Problem is, John is walking through the door after a hard & long day at work.Guess who is also looking forward to some "relaxation" once he gets home?!BINGO.
This was leading to some, ahem, problems. We both felt like we deserved to kick up our feet at the end of the day, but there are still THREE WHOLE HOURS before Bubba goes to sleep.I swear the hours between 5 and 8 are the longest...
Solution you ask?! We each picked ONE night a week to be our night "off".
What does this entail?
Well when it's your "off" night. You get to lay on the couch & watch what you want on TV.You don't have to make dinner and you DEFINITELY don't have to clean up. You don't have to make bottles, give Jack a bath, or chase after him before bed. 
This may seem kind of drastic. But honestly, it makes the other 5 nights of the week TEN TIMES better!Why?
John and I are much more willing to be a team. It's easier to help one another when you know you get one night a week to breath. That one night is guilt free because you know the other has one too. 
I want to make John's night off relaxing because I know he will do the same for me in return. Honestly, things around here have been A LOT better since we started this new "routine". 

Sorry if I'm rambling, but I thought this was worth sharing. We are new at this parenting thing.We are also new at this MARRIED thing. 
This is what is working for us right now.And when I go to school in the fall?It's all going to change again!
Mostly we are learning, time and time again-Marriage, parenthood, relationships in general are all about flexibility & mutual respect.Among other things of course...